I am going to be brutally honest here today. Sorry it's not a frugal post. I feel moved to share today. Don't worry nothing controversial.
I am terrified of another pregnancy loss. Absolutely completely terrified. This week the reality of pregnancy hit me. It began as excitement of another friend being pregnant than a sad change to a miscarriage for my sweet friend. It took me back to the loss we had. Since I'm being honest I've had more than one miscarriage but I can't wrap my head around it so I think of it as one.
I also have several friends who for medical reasons cannot have any more children. The saddest part is they want more but they are medically unable. It makes me think, Lord why can I have 4 children but my friend only has one and desperately wants one more. Guilt is also a feeling I have. I don't understand why someone can have 10 kids and another can have none. I've met wonderful amazing women who can't have any children, why is this?
Maybe it's my crazy hormones taking over but I feel very afraid. Also afraid of how I can manage having 4 children and maintain my sanity.
I am praying for God's will and when I think these scared and terrified feelings I think "Jesus I trust in you".
Just keeping it real and honest. I know if I feel this their has to be other women thinking the same thing. I also pray for those women today.