Monday, July 18, 2011

Raising Children Today

A sweet friend of mine forwarded me this post. If you have daughters and you feel like it's you against the world read this.

I don't post a lot about my oldest daughter. I try to protect her from the cyber world. You see she doesn't have a cell phone or even a Facebook. She's the odd girl out. We try hard to preserve her innocence and childhood as long as possible. I'd rather her call friends on the home phone. Facebook is well, just a place for kids to slander one another. I choose to protect her from these negative things. Remember our role of parent is one of leadership and not one of "well my kids want it".

Having younger siblings help her stay young. She loves to play with them. We get many comments from friends and family about her babysitting the younger siblings. People always seem to say "What does she think about that or does she enjoy babysitting?"

I don't say much when people asked because it stumped me for a while.

My answer is she's she enjoys babysitting and spending time with her siblings and they adore her. The other part a little harsh of my answer is she's 14 years old she doesn't make the decisions in our house. Our life does not revolve around anyone ONE person it revolves around our entire family. Each person's needs are equally important and we weigh all needs when making a decision.

We each have roles and responsibilities in this large family. I think it's important to make things work. We have chores to do and we don't get money for it. We teach our children that the responsibilities in a family are shared. We shouldn't expect to get something for helping out. It's just what a family does. How do you think a family back 100 years ago did it? Only today we have entitlement issues.

We make decisions based on the whole not the individuals. In my opinion as it should be. This is opposite in today's society. But then again so is having 4 children and thinking about adding a 5th.

Our family is so very rich in love. We spend time together and enjoy each persons qualities and abilities. I can't tell you how many times we laugh so hard we cry. That is joy to me.

We pray and read the Bible together. Our children learn our faith and know Jesus through our family.

The world has become a dark place. Young teens are surrounded by such immoral things. We as a family feel called to be the "light" in the world. We don't give into things because everyone else it doing it.... actually we do the complete opposite because usually that is the "right and Christlike" thing to do.

So what's my point? This has nothing to do with frugal jen. I felt moved today to share my thoughts about raising kids in this world. Sometimes we feel alone in our thoughts and we aren't alone. Many time others would stand if only someone would stand up first.

I hope this doesn't come off as a negative post. You know tone is so hard to read in writings. I love having a large family and I love my family the way it is. I was an only child so this has been a challenge but it's one that is very rewarding! I love my family!


Carrie said...

wow, i am so glad you posted that. i have an 11 yr old, going on 18. she was in public school, but we started homeschooling last year, and it has done WONDERS for her. music is a huge attraction for her, along with fashion. we also don't want our children to follow the world, but to follow Jesus. your post just lets me know that there really are other families in other parts of the country that do the same. from a little town in north central arkansas.

all things girly said...

wow! totally agree and couldnt have said it better myself!

Melissa said...

I totally agree 100%! That is how our house is too (and I personally think it's the way it should be).

Alicia said...

What amazes me most is that I'm seeing so many of my high school friends who feel the same way. And I totally agree! What makes it so amazing is that we were "those" girls. We got what we wanted, and to an extent we did run our houses. But that was at a time when technology was first booming and things weren't expected per say. I don't think we felt the entitlement that our kids today feel. We had/got things as rewards. I know all of us were spoiled, don't get me wrong. We were all walking around with our Dooney's & Coach bags for goodness sake!

I just keep seeing how kids don't ask for things they tell what the expect to have. That's not okay with me. My views are so utterly different than the way I was brought up. Not saying what my parents did was wrong, but it's gotten out of hand today. It makes me sad to see. I pray that I raise Caroline right and teach her the important things in life: Jesus, family, responsibilities, love, respect. I'm truly sad for kids today and hope that more parents take a stand like you & Josh have. Lord knows I try, but there are times I regress to that teen girl, and I know what's ahead and I think about what I'll do, and sometimes I feel like I may give in. But I know where to get support from, I know I can turn to God and get all the support I need.

Frugal Jen said...

Yes Alicia, we were "those" girls back in the day. I was and only child always the the first to have a cell phone, car, expensive clothes and purses. I did all kinds of things. I had a great childhood but times are so different now there is no way I can give my children the same experience and still keep them protected.

It took a lot for me to overcome my materialism and shortcomings.

Mom, if your reading, I love you and you did a good job raising me! I was spoiled and loved and I turned out ok :)

Jenny said...

Love you JRudd...but my secret prayer for #5 is that you wont keep us in suspense with another surprise! The bowmaker in me is not so hot with surprises!

Melissa said...

I really liked this post! My kids all tell me I am considered the "strict" parent with all their friends. They are not allowed to have cell phones at our house until they turn 16 and drive. Even then their phones are subject to monitoring and are a privilege to have. The older kids do have a FB account but they are not allowed to have those until they go to high school. They must also provide me with their passwords and those are subject to monitoring also. The big problem for us is we are a blended family. So there are other parents involved who don't always agree with our policies. We have over come this by still inforcing those rules while the kids are at our house. For example my stepdaughter chooses not to use the computer while here because she doesn't want to have her computer time monitored. Which is fine that is her choice and I do not feel bad for her. Also the same with cell phones several of the kids have had cell phones since turing 13 at the other parents houses. They do not come here and our rule still stand that there are no cell phome use at our house until 16. Another thing we have encountered is being alllowed to make decisions that children should not make. It has been a constant battle with my stepdaughter because she is allowed to make choices about alot of the things she does with her mother. She has also been taught that time with us should be her choice also. We don't allow her to make that choice of course and so it has caused friction. We just really don't believe that the kids should have a choice in knowing their other families and about visition. It makes kids have to choose between their parents which is so not right in my mind. I do not mind if this upsets my kids. I am the mom not their friend and my hope is someday when they have kids of their own they will understand.

Rebecca said...

great post, jennifer! your children are richly blessed with you guys as their parents. :) take care, friend!